November: Begin Again.

Begin again? But I’ve made too many?

Begin again. 

I made bracelets a few weeks ago with words on them, made up of clashing colors and different bead sizes. It was supposed to be cute, careless, and fun. They were the equivalent of a kindergarten art project but instead of pasta beads, they were made of glass. In this moment, I thought I was creating something interesting, I thought I was letting my creativity speak.

I churned them out, I felt I was having fun and enjoying the progress. This project spanned days, my friends. 

A pile had started to form on the table, stacks of glistening colored spheres proved I was productive. I loved that the most.

As I was making them I knew they weren’t specifically nice to look at and I personally would never wear them. In fact, they were a little ugly. I refused to acknowledge it though. 

As a type of reverse psychology, I slipped one on to wear for the day. Perhaps I was hoping to be stopped dead in my tracks to a gaggle of people dying to know where I had gotten such a significant piece. At the very least, dignify the time I had spent on them. 

No gaggle, not even a geese. 

I went away for a week to visit family in Mexico (truly amazing) and when I got home I saw the pile on my desk and knew. 

So one by one, I undid them, I separated every bead, and placed them back in my bead box. A sight to see, me chasing bouncing beads, on all fours trying to capture the runaways. All were finally collected.

The inner dialogue repeated how dumb it was to waste time on this hobby, I should just put them away for good, and maybe I'm not creative anymore. 

The last one hurt my feelings the most. 

But, I have to start over. 

Over and over. And over. That’s the point of creativity for sure but also in other aspects of life. 

Sometimes what we spend time on, energy, money, and excitement doesn’t pan out the way we’d hoped for. 

The bracelet story is silly and low risk, life has higher risks sometimes in which the fear of starting over keeps us in a state of wearing a “bracelet” we know is absolutely atrocious. We don’t feel good, it becomes heavy, and tragically, in the end it becomes comfortable to wear. 

It’s November now, but maybe in January you said you’d exercise more and you didn’t stick to that. Start again now, join a run club. Or after paying off debt you fell back into more debt, start over- work towards paying it off again. Or the garden you started in April has now been dead for two months, start over. Maybe it’s your business. Or your relationship. Start planning, romancing, going on dates again, remeet your person. 

There is often more noise and praise in the completion of something, but start over anyways. 

If the fall shows us anything it is to let go of leaves so that in the winter there is rest, because come spring the tree can begin again. And again and again. 

Make a pretty bracelet!